An Irishman is A Guy Who...
May not be sure
there is a God, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope.
Won't eat meat
on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast.
everything he can't see and nothing he can.
Is very good at
weekends, but not so good at the middle of the week.
abortion, but in favor of hanging.
Has such great
respect for the truth, he uses it in emergencies.
Is irrational in
important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial.
Gets married for
life, but not necessarily for love.
Can argue either
side of a question, often at the same time.
Sees things not
as they are, but as they never will be.
leprechauns and banshees, and considers anyone who doesn't a heathen
Can lick any man
in the house he is sole occupant of.
Cries at sad
movies but cheers in battle.
funerals festivities, but weddings sad events to be put off as long as
possible, preferably forever.
English, but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen.
Gets more Irish
the further he gets from Ireland.
Is not afraid of
dying; in fact, he might prefer it.
God is Irish, or at least Catholic.
Civil Rights, but not in his neighborhood.
corruption, unless it's a democrat.
Takes the pledge
not to drink at age twelve, and every four years thereafter.
forgive is Divine, and therefore doesn't exercise it himself.
salvation can be achieved by means of a weekly envelope.
who won't come round to his point of view hopelessly stubborn.
for its own sake, but also because it makes it so damnably inconvenient for his
someone who often interrupts him a bore.
Scorns money but
worships those who have it.
Irishman who achieves success a traitor.
The Irish are a
very perverse, complex people; It makes them so lovable. They are banking heavily that God has a sense
There are only two types of persons in the world: Irishmen and
those who wish they were. You know why God
made Irishmen? Because he couldn't be
everywhere. And then he invented alcohol
so that we wouldn't take over the world.
Here's to me, and here's to you, And
here's to love and laughter-
I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after.
Here's to you and yours
And to mine and ours.
Here's to a long life and a merry
And if mine and ours
Ever come across to you and yours,
I hope you and yours will do
As much for mine and ours
As mine and ours have done
For you and yours!
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!
Here's to our wives and girlfriends:
May they never meet!
Happy St. Paddy’s
Party Wisely and
Remember to pray
for justice and peace
in our weary,
Labels: Erin Go Bragh, Irish, Irishmen, parade, scranton, St. Partrick's Day