Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

An Irishman is A Guy Who... 
May not be sure there is a God, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope.
Won't eat meat on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast.
Believes everything he can't see and nothing he can.
Is very good at weekends, but not so good at the middle of the week.
Is against abortion, but in favor of hanging.
Has such great respect for the truth, he uses it in emergencies.
Is irrational in important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial.
Gets married for life, but not necessarily for love.
Can argue either side of a question, often at the same time.
Sees things not as they are, but as they never will be.
Believes in leprechauns and banshees, and considers anyone who doesn't a heathen
Can lick any man in the house he is sole occupant of.
Cries at sad movies but cheers in battle.
Considers funerals festivities, but weddings sad events to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever.
Hates the English, but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen.
Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.
Is not afraid of dying; in fact, he might prefer it.
Believes that God is Irish, or at least Catholic.
Believes in Civil Rights, but not in his neighborhood.
Is against corruption, unless it's a democrat.
Takes the pledge not to drink at age twelve, and every four years thereafter.
Believes to forgive is Divine, and therefore doesn't exercise it himself.
Believes salvation can be achieved by means of a weekly envelope.
Considers anyone who won't come round to his point of view hopelessly stubborn.
Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so damnably inconvenient for his neighbors.
Considers someone who often interrupts him a bore.
Scorns money but worships those who have it.
Considers any Irishman who achieves success a traitor.
The Irish are a very perverse, complex people; It makes them so lovable.  They are banking heavily that God has a sense of humor!

There are only two types of persons in the world: Irishmen and those who wish they were.  You know why God made Irishmen?  Because he couldn't be everywhere.  And then he invented alcohol so that we wouldn't take over the world.

Irish Toasts
Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter-
I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after.

Here's to you and yours
And to mine and ours.
And if mine and ours
Ever come across to you and yours,
I hope you and yours will do
As much for mine and ours
As mine and ours have done
For you and yours!

Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!

Here's to our wives and girlfriends:
May they never meet!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day.
Party Wisely and Well.

Remember to pray this day
for justice and peace
in our weary, wonderful world

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